Lightsabers, Chainguns and Flaming Katanas

On my many voyages across the vast, turmoil sea which is the internet, I came across a group of people discussing their Zombie survival plans. While there seemed to be a good many of intelligent people with well thought out, practical plans, they were –unfortunately- swamped out by hundreds of people saying “Lulz, machin rokit launcer FTW, duh” and “I’ll be safe with my trusty laser gun”.

The number of these people concerned me deeply, and I am dedicating this article to all those people who will die in the zompocalypse.

To understand why people think a machine rocket launcher and a laser gun (do they even exist?) is a good idea comes down to one thing. Epicness.

For some reason these people believe that in a zompocalypse they will be able to be the hero. No more job, no more bills, no more mother-in-law. Just them, their flame-thrower and all the babes they could ever dream of. The problem with this is that most of these things don’t exist in real life, or if they do, they are incredibly hard to come by, use, and don’t work how you’d expect them to. The following diagrams more or less sums up the difference between how things look in your head, and how they are in real life.

I beg people to take this seriously. While lightsabers, chainguns and flaming katanas may sound cool, they aren’t going to help you survive.